by Paulette Holloway Rush
What is the reciprocal principle?
To avoid sounding preachy, let me start by sharing a life-changing principle that has influenced my relationships: The Reciprocal Principle. It is founded on Matthew 5:7 which says, “Blessed are the merciful for they shall obtain mercy” (NKJV) — a scripture I affectionately dub my “reciprocal” mantra of grace and compassion.
What it has spoken to me over the years is that everything about my life behavior comes with a “reciprocal.” In other words, whatever I give out is what I get back.
Some people use, “What goes around, comes around,” to express this principle and others go a little more scriptural saying, “You reap what you sow” (Galatians 6:7), but I choose the “reciprocal principle.”
This one principle has helped me in some tough and often negative situations when my honest impulse was to dish out the same “ugly” that I might have received. What I have learned, however, is that whatever I would like to get back is what I had better work hard to give out.
If I want respect; be respectful. If I want kindness; be kind. If I want love; be loving. If I want mercy; be merciful. You get the picture.
Using The Reciprocal Principle When There’s a Challenge
One of the most memorable instances of applying the reciprocal principle in my life, oddly enough, was at church. I was deeply hurt by someone I considered a close friend.
Without my knowledge, one of my friends told another mutual friend that I said something bad about her. When I was confronted by the mutual friend, totally ignorant of the betrayal, I was devastated. I couldn’t believe that my friend would do something like that to me.
Based on my integrity and God’s grace, I was able to convince the person that no such thing had been said. Although the situation was resolved graciously, I knew I had a choice to make.
I could either confront my friend with the same venomous tactics she had used against me, or I could choose to take the high road and let my reciprocal principle dictate my actions. I chose the high road.
I confronted my friend with a simple statement. I said, “I talked to “the mutual friend,” and I want you to know how much I love you.” After hugging her, I walked away. I never knew how she processed my response, because I never brought it up again. However, I can tell you that she was extremely meek around me for months.
To be honest, applying the reciprocal principle in that situation was very challenging. But, because I did, it worked for me and I walked away with such a sense of victory. I was able to rest, knowing that God had promised me that same kind of grace when I needed it because I had extended it to my friend. That feeling is what keeps me motivated to use this principle in similar situations again and again.
Using The Reciprocal Principle When There’s No Challenge
From a different perspective, using opportunities to “do good” when there is no challenge is also rewarding. When I give out positives, I walk away with a great sense of joy. I simply love watching the outcome of being sweet or kind. It keeps me motivated to repeat that kind of behavior.
It always helps me to apply my “reciprocal principle” when I link it with Luke 6:31. It says, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise (NKJV). ” It’s the “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” from Matthew 5 that I heard throughout my development years. These two scriptures go hand in hand.
Making Matthew 5:7 a Habit
I am grateful for each occasion to live a lifestyle of deliberate reciprocals. Allowing it to dominate my interpersonal relationships including family, casual, or superficial relationships has been a blessing.
I am most grateful, however, that it is the sufficiency of God’s grace that makes it all possible. Even though I might miss the mark sometimes, His grace gives me the freedom and confidence to keep striving to present the best me I can be. I encourage you to try it for yourself.
The key is to know that you do not have to rely on your own strength because God’s grace will provide what you need.
My encouragement to you is to let God’s grace work for you, give out what you want to receive, and watch the reciprocal principle work for you.
You may be surprised at how much personal joy and satisfaction it gives you.
To read more about using mercy in relationships, check out our article, How to Forgive and Forget.
Evangelist Paulette Holloway Rush is a pastor’s wife, mother, grandmother, author, missionary, and friend. Her book, “Thieves of Intimacy” can be found on Amazon.