by Ms. Sasha
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” (Psalm 127:3 NIV)
As mothers, we are our children’s greatest influencers. We envision the world we want our children to explore and play around with ideas we believe will get the job done.
There are so many decisions we make during this journey.
Will we take them to meet Mickey as toddlers for that surreal experience, or should we wait until they are old enough to remember it? Should every year be a birthday bash, or should we save all the bangs and whistles for milestone birthdays? Should we start children on chores early, like our grandparents, or wait until they’re older so they can focus on schoolwork?
After being a mother for some time, I’ve come to the resolution that pre-deciding such matters is not as important as it used to be.
Rather than trying to pre-master motherhood, I now strive for those daily wins by being sensitive to how God is leading me in my role as a mother. Some things I’ll know in advance, and others will be revealed as I go.
As part of my learning journey, I asked six experienced mothers if they would share a piece of their Mommy wisdom with me.
Here are 5 valuable insights on how to be a better mother and creating a household that thrives:
“No is for a good reason and many times only temporary.”
Meet Lynei, a Nurse and Retired Veteran from Atlanta, GA.
As a mother of two, she emphasizes the benefits of establishing boundaries at home.
One of Lynei’s tricks of the trade is learning to say NO. She explains, “It’s unpopular, but I tell my children NO pretty regularly. I know that sounds bad, but what I need them to understand is that NO is not the end. NO is for a good reason and many times only temporary. Too many grown people crack nowadays at the sight and sound of that word. My kids devour it, pass it along, and fight for another opportunity. NO is a powerful tool to understand on multiple levels. I have confidence that rejection and disappointment won’t be the end of my kids as adults.”
I wholeheartedly agree with this statement. Learning to say no as a mother teaches our children to try, helps them form a necessary resilience for life, and trains them to be the leaders of the future. When they are offered opportunities they should turn down, they will already understand the power of saying “No,” and have the confidence that the right blessing is on the way.
One of the blessings that children need, often go unexpressed. They ask for games, and shoes, and are always excited to travel. However, the things I overhear my children talk about most are “that time when Dad”…or “remember when Mom….” They love quality time!
Zhivonne, a High School Teacher/Mentor in Denver, CO shared a creative method with me on how she ensures that her three children get the quality time they need.
She says, her QT trick is “spending one-on-one time with each kid; once a month, minimum.”
She recommends “using the date that your kids’ birthdays fall on. For example, if your child’s birthday is February 4, then throughout the year, on the 4th of each month, spend one-on-one time with that kid. If the kids’ birthdays are on same date, then choose the day before or after. The goal is to have individualized time, without their siblings, so they know that they matter and that they don’t have to compete for your love, time, and attention.”
Quality time with each of your children helps reinforce their importance to us. We tested this method at home, and individualized time for them has turned into gold.
Annette, a Baker and mother of two from Parker, CO, emphasizes the importance of mothering with grace while communicating with children.
She unbashfully admits, “I let my kids ask questions; nothing is off limits.”
What a great way to let our children know that we understand natural behavior, and a grand opportunity to let our parental guidance flow!
She puts the icing on the cake by adding, “I apologize to my kids when I’m wrong or unnecessarily harsh.”
Oh, how we all wish we wouldn’t have given that snappy correction, only to find out that our child was innocent in the matter! An area, constantly under construction for the multi-tasking mother.
“A little bit of positive reinforcement and praise sometimes helps change their behavior.”
Myiah, an Administrator from Washington, DC and mother of two adds to this sentiment.
She lets us in on her secret to mothering with humility.
“When I’ve had to correct or discipline my children, being harsh doesn’t always help. A little bit of positive reinforcement and praise sometimes helps change their behavior.
I’ve often nagged my son about not helping me retrieve the bags from the car when I return from the grocery store. When I ask for his help, sometimes he’ll move super slow. So slow that I usually have retrieved all the bags before he even puts both his shoes on!
I found that this results in him looking sad and guilty. So, now, I sometimes force myself to wait for his help, even if it takes ten minutes longer. When he grabs the bags, I thank him and tell him how much I appreciate his help. When I say things like that, he smiles and tries to help more often. His helpfulness is slowly improving. As parents, we have to hold our children accountable, but we don’t always have to do it harshly.”
So well, said. There is a point in motherhood, where you find that sweet balance with your children, making the journey easier for everyone.
Amanda Raquel, Singer and Voice Coach of “AmandaMuxic” in Chicago, IL is a mother of two that works hard for optimum family function:
At the heart of her method are the principles of self-care and nurture.
Her tune is, “Most regulation takes place if people feel healthy and rested.”
Her family rests every day between 1 and 3pm, winding the night down by 8pm. She emphasizes the importance of always taking two minimum days off: one Sabbath with the family and one for herself.
She continues, “Remember Mommy first, Mommy rest, Mommy hydrate, Mommy eat good food, Mommy get help from family, Mommy find joy and pleasure for herself daily …”
And the same healthy standards go for the whole family with “vegetables on every plate and lots of water.”
She says this way she has enough energy to “address behaviors immediately the first time it happens, and create consistent routines and rhythms, such as when to do schoolwork and when to play.”
Her household is definitely a model for achieving healthy balance, avoiding burnout syndrome, and staying fresh.
“We just do a brain dump, and we read it to each other.”
Alisha, a Massage Therapist and Pregnancy Wellness Advocate also advocates for her household’s mental health.
Nurturing her family's well being has become a powerful tool.
The mother of two from Douglassville, GA says, “When we have the time, we do journal writing. Not your typical journal writing… we just spend three minutes writing down whatever is in our heads at the moment, even if it’s not a complete sentence. We play jazz music or something relaxing while we do it….We just do a brain dump, and we read it to each other. It makes us laugh, and it brings up questions. The kids share their day; what was good and/or bad. We try to do it once a week.”
Are you getting tingles yet? What a cool way to set the temperature of the household.
I am so grateful to have been taken through the motherhood journey with these ladies. With a lot of God and a little creativity, the art of mothering is being mastered by each of us one day at a time.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31: 30 NIV
Being a great mother isn’t easy, but it’s certainly possible, and it’s worth it.
How do you feel about being a mom, or a future mom? Do you worry about what impact you’re having or will have? If so, don’t. Instead, depend on God, who has your back, to fight for you and give you what you need for the journey. Ask him for creativity, clarity, love, grace, and support. You got this.